Tonight the boys went to the post swim meet ribbon distribution/practice. This evening was especially exciting as last night the Piranhas won their first meet of the season! I knew the boys would be excited when they returned home, because they would get their ribbons.
My middle child ran in to show me his ribbons bursting with pride and excitement! I am very proud (I can barely swim 25 meters without exhaustion) and I oohed and ahhhed in all the right places. My oldest son came in as the oohing and ahhhing was going on and announced how many more he received than his brother. My middle child sobbed, the bursting with pride feelings forgotten. We split- Mr P took our oldest , I took our middle, and we soothed wounds, expressed pride, and talked about compassion. Soon all tears were gone and apologies for hurt feelings accepted. Both boys, I hope, learned how proud we were of all of their hard work and effort this swim season with or with out ribbons.
Sibling rivalry in it's finest. I wonder if two boys who will ultimately be competing against each other at times in sports will be more of a challenge.
I asked Mr P, "Why can't our oldest just be proud of the accomplishments his younger, smaller, brother is making?"
He said because the oldest may feel acknowledging his younger brothers efforts with out boasting his own is a sign of weakness.
Maybe this is a male thing. (?)
I said, "How can we fix this?"
He said, we probably will have to help them work through it each and every time for years. I think he's right.
Our family time is a learning time within a loving environment. My two young men are learning how to channel their God given competitiveness into constructive competition. Competition that will make them better while still supporting others and especially each other.
Dear God,
Give my children compassion for mankind and also for each other. May they support and cheer each other on, even during the times they will be competing for the same prize, be it a spot on a team or a victory during a game. May they look to the greater prize-not the victory or ribbon. May this time You have placed them with us, be a time of learning how to love and support others. Equip us Lord with the knowledge, wisdom and tools to help them in the future You have planned. In Jesus Name, Amen
Colossians 3:12 "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."
Ephesians 4:2 "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
Proverbs 14:30 "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones."
Romans 12:15a "Rejoice with those who rejoice"
3 comments:
Ginny,
That is a bitter sweet post. We have struggled with the jealousy over here before (imagine that with 6 kids!) and I found that the last verse you quoted is the one I always revert back to with them.
I say, God tells us to be happy when good things happen to our siblings and to be sad when bad things happen to them. I then ask them if they are doing this. I will then talk about not being self centered but others centered.
James 4:1 Why do you fight and argue with each other? Isn't it because you are full of selfish desires that fight to control your body?
Keep working with them. You know, I used to have them play board games and when the other one would win the loser had to have a good attitude and be glad for the other person. If you start the game with this expectation it seems to work out better. :)
I think this is usual with kids. (With girls it just involves more high pitched screaming).
I think Mr. P is right, this will be a long-teaching lesson over the years. But you have layed a great foundation, and we know that the house of the rock stands firm.
You're so right. Everyone with 2 or more kids goes thru it. Mine are 5 years apart and the youngest get frustrated because the oldest can do more, has more freedom and can do many things better/faster etc. I try to help him realize that the older one has had 5 years more to practice etc but it's still discouraging. He did find something he is better at than his brother and that helps. The oldest is great on the computer, but the younger one is fantastic. he can invent movies, does programming, make video games and by far knows more about computer logistics than anyone in the family.
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