Healing a Broken Heart

I've had my heart on my mind for most of the summer as it has become a source of concern.  I had a mini stroke in June which was thought to be caused by a papillary fibroelastoma on my mitral valve (small tumor in my heart) or a atrial septal defect (small hole between the atriums of my heart).  Both these  anomalies are to be repaired surgically later this month.   Thankfully I am a candidate for minimally invasive cardiac surgery.  As my mind had previously been mostly concerned with my Mom's health, since her passing, my anxiety has risen for my own health.

Instead of focusing on my worries I am going to focus on what God says:

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look a the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"  Matthew 5:25-27

My worrying does not have any benefit to me or to my family.  I will focus on the moment at hand and treat my minutes as precious.

"There for do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."  Matthew 6:34. 

Instead I will trust in God and in God alone.  

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

"He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds"  Psalms 147:3

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."  Psalm 73:26

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6-7.

9/11

One never knows what a new day has in store.  Let us live each day to the fullest and never miss a chance to let those dearest to us know of our love for them.

Life's Mission

While composing notes of thanks to the many friends and family of my Momma and Daddy, I found my Mom's written out mission statement.  

"My Mission:  To live my life with meaning for me so that I can say: 

               I enjoyed the journey, 

                       took care of my physical needs,

                                was open to growth and change, 

                                                                   did my job well,

                                       was supportive and loving to my family and friends,

                                           made a difference to others , 

                                                     made contributions to community and family,

                                                         created an atmosphere of hospitality at home.  

To Fulfill mission, I will:

                                         Be a loving and supportive wife

                                          Contribute to hospitable atmosphere at home

                                          Seek opportunities for physical fitness and mental growth

                                           Work on doing my job more effectively

                                            Fulfill community/church obligations as appropriate

                                            Encourage spouse/children, family and optimally build relationships

                                            Build relationships with friends and collegues

Priority Roles:  

                       Wife- actively build relationship

                        Mother-  Support growth, be friend and enjoy

                        Community/Church/Friend- to do duties and fulfill obligations as an active participant

                        Facilitator child care:  Build meaningful relationships

                         Intersession coordinator

                         Extended family member"

This must have been written longer than 12 years ago based on her stated roles.  What encourages me about this is that my Momma lived her life with intention.  She was listening for the call of God in her life and shaped her goals around the call as wife, mother, and member of the community.  She used her mission and thought of ways to fulfill the mission while also considering her main roles she served.

In her plan, her actions were that of service as a wife, mother, church member, educator, friend, and member of the community.  She was a wife of forty-eight years, a mother whose children grew up to love God and we called her a best friend in our adult lives.  She was a joyful servant in her church.  She was a valued educator who many friends from the school board came by to pay their respects.  Based on the support and visits she received on her last days, she definitely made an impact on her community.  It was a quiet but moving impact that encouraged others to be the best they can be. 

She fulfilled her mission.  Each day as we miss her, but yet get up and get on with living, I know she would be pleased, as she would want us too, to be intentional in our lives.  I am encouraged and also challenged to make a life mission statement.  

Hebrews 12:1-2

"Since we stand before so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every encumbrance, and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, with our eyes set on Jesus who initiated our faith and will bring it to perfection."

A Favorite Verse

10 Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and helpyou;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

My Momma held tight to this promise.  Momma always looked at the bigger picture-she had the eternal perspective.  She carried Gods word in her heart and assured us, no matter what this life brought her- she would be OK.  She trusted in Gods strength.  She relied on Gods help.

As we face the coming days- gloriously knowing...we will see her again- yet missing her like crazy.  We can trust like she did.  Trust in Gods strength, Gods help and know God has us all in His righteous right hand.

Loving My Momma

Many people know my Mom as Kitty, those who have known her longest know her as Kitty Rose.  To her nieces and nephews she is Aunt Kitty.
To my self and my brother she is Momma.  To her seven grandchildren she is Grammy.

Over the last 10 years, Momma has courageously fought breast cancer and celebrated victory twice!  This time the cancer has cruelly attacked her brain, at such a rapid speed that medical treatments can not catch up.  But my Momma knows the victory will once again be hers as she presses on to win her prize for which God is calling her.

My Momma first and foremost loves God.  Her faith and reliance on His blessings has carried her through the ups and downs of life.  She always looks for the eternal perspective, not the momentary troubles this life brings.

  She is a virtuous wife-far more precious than rubies.  She and Daddy have shared 48 years of marriage.  She is my Dad's closest friend and soulmate.  Momma's children arise and call her blessed.
She is who we call on to share the good news and sometimes sad news of life.  She is who we call on for advisement and trusted wise council.

My Momma is a beloved sister.  Her brothers and sisters have been rallying around her to help.  The stories shared bring smiles to our faces.

My Momma is a good friend.  She has dear friends whom she's known for decades all speaking so highly of her character and of how much they love her.

Before she retired Momma was an educator, highly respected in her field.  As friends come by to visit I am learning that she is still teaching as she shared with them her love off reading and knowledge.

We are so very thankful for the many prayers spoken on behalf of my Momma and our family.  We are so blessed to have so much love and support.

We are cherishing each moment, seeking out the blessings each new day brings.

Sam's "been ten" Now He's Eleven!

Sam celebrated his Eleventh birthday this past Friday!

  Sam, you are an amazing boy! 

 You have such a determined spirit! 

 You can do anything you put your mind too! 

You work hard at all you do insuring that it is a job well done!

  You are enthusiastic, gregarious and always up for a challenge, defying all odds!

 You love all sports and are an enthusiastic enthusiast and participant!  You love all animals but especially the ones in the oceans! 

 "Sam Shark" 

  You are going places and will move mountains!

  While your exterior can seem tough you are so very kind and thoughtful.  You always notice the little things and remember making those you love feel treasured and special!

  You love your family and friends fiercely and are loyal and true to them!  

 Your Dad and I are so proud of the young man you are becoming! 

 

Strenth

You really don't know if you have it until you need it.  Strength is found in God.

1 Chronnicles 16:11
Seek the Lord and his strengh; seek his presence continually! 

Even in times of trouble there is no need to fear:

2 Timothy 1:7
for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self control.

In this strength there is hope:

Romans 12:12
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

God is always there and ready to give His strength in every minute that you need it. 

I am thankful for God's strength.  His power to face everything that is ahead!

Lemonade

"We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us"
Joseph Campbell

"In this life
 we are all just walking up the mountain
 and we can sing as we climb
 or we can complain about our sore feet
 whichever we choose we still gotta do the hike
 I decided a long time ago singing made a lot more sense"

These quotes are on a dear friend of mine's Facebook page. 


We all hope for the perfect. We all plan for the best!  No one plans to get cancer, or to get layed off. No one plans a divorce or death of a child.  Often times we even get mad when "bad" things happen.  We ask things like...."Why did this happen to me?" "How did I deserve this?"
 
 Who said things were to be perfect?  In fact doesn't it say in the Bible that life is supposed to be hard?  God knows the plan.  Hard times, easy breezy times, in between times....all part of a plan. We can choose to be discouraged, downtrodden, and defeated.  Or we can choose to be brave, courageous, and determined, trusting at the end of this trial we wll be someone stronger. 

When life gives you lemons make lemonade........  I like lemonade :)


John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world"

Romans 8:28  "We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Psalm 139:16  "You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book.  Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. "

A Great Race!

Last Saturday was the Love Rox 1/2 Marathon.  We put aside our "fear" of running in cold, wet, rainy conditions and hit the trail! It was my friend's first 1/2 marathon and dispite the conditions she did have fun so this will not be her last 1/2! 

The harshness of the weather made me think of the race of our lives and how sometimes our lives can be tough.  Certainly tougher than running across an icy bridge with sleet beating on your face, chilling winds, and nothing to do about it but go forward.  Though I would have loved to not be running in those conditions, I was all ready "out" there.  No way to turn back.  Just stopping would have left me in the elements even longer.  Striving forwards however got me closer and closer to my goal- the finish line! In life just like a race, we can't just turn our backs on tough times.  We can't just quit. We have to strive forward.  Saturday I was thankful to have a friend running along with me, sharing in the agony, but then later in the joy of a race well run!  Just as in life I am thankful for the friends who are "running" along side me so we can lift, and encourage each other through our struggles.

Today,  I am thankful for my many friends.  Friends who encourage and help me to see goals I would have never dreamed could be accomplished.  Friends who pray for me, my children and for my marriage. Friends who laugh with me till we are almost in tears!  Some of these crazier friends will also arise predawn, and meet me for a run!  I am grateful to be in this race along with them.

Today we are going home to NC to see my sweet Momma and my sweetly grouchy Daddy! As a child, cause I still feel pretty young, I've never wanted to even imagine my parents aging and going on. My Mom's battle with breast cancer is different this time then her battle seven years ago. This time it seems it may be a life long battle instead of a bump in the road that she can conquer, wear pink at races and carry balloons- one for each year of survival. She is a survivor and a fighter but her fight does not seem as fierce this time. My Mom has no worries she knows she stands right before the Lord and will have triumph either here or in heaven. Selfishly I want the triumph to be now and I want her to feel like she did when she was in her forties! My age! Oh what fun we'd have! She is my Mom and my best friend! She's who I call with the great news and the heart breaks of my life. She's who I call for advisements and even for the simple things, like how to bake a pecan pie. I am so thankful for my Mom and thankful for the time. Thankful my daughter gets to go this weekend and be with her Grandmother. Be there when Grammie is feeling not so good but not so bad either.

Writing again

Just thought I'd start writing some again.....where to start? How about today.

I am constantly amazed with how blessed I am to be the Momma to such amazingly spectacular children! Your love of life, your thoughtfulness moves me everyday.

Today, Sam, when you got off the bus. You were contentiously concerned about a test question. It wasn't on the material we'd studied. The question did not seem fair. You were concerned you'd miss it and concerned I'd care if you missed it. I only was happy you tried. Happy you cared enough to want to do your best. I know you studied! I've been there with you, calling out the questions! I love being "there" with you. I love asking the questions. Helping you trudge through! I am so blessed to be "here"! Here in the day to day menial tasks that it is so easy to wish the time away. It's going so fast ya'll are growing up and I want to savor each second!

Beth: Today we played hopscotch. I drew the squares, you numbered them. I marveled at how much better you can write your numbers now since the last time we played (a year or so ago). My squares were too big so you drew a smaller game board!

During Variety show practice you em-proved so well and Daddy and I caught each other's eye to share a prideful giggle! You are great on stage! You will win the heart of the audience on Friday night!

Josh: My big boy Josh. Last night, Halloween night, the biggest kid night of the year, you lost your phone. You maturely looked all during dinner and up until dark. Instead of indulgently saying, "Oh well, so what" you stayed home from Tricks or Treats. We did not make you stay home. In fact I was thinking, "Oh Josh, it's just a phone, come, don't miss the fun." You maturely hung out at home and helped out with handing out candy and with Beth and her friends. Later we found your phone and you were not sad you'd missed the night you were just thankful to have found the phone! I am proud of you! Last Friday night you went to your first dance. You drank Mountain Dew, several, and danced and laughed with friends!

Today I talked with Grammie and there is 80% chance the chemo did not get rid of her cancer. Even after her surgery there is significant chance that they did not get rid of it all. This news saddens me deep in my heart and soul. Grammie is not sad. She stated the news factually and said we will go on with the surgery and then she will have more chemo, radiation and scans. So if Grammie is not sad how can I be? I have hope. We have hope. And on this hopeful journey I hope to treasure each moment- each moment that I am with the ones I love!

Happy 11th Birthday Josh!

Josh turned eleven February 16th 2011! We kidnapped Josh from school and took him out to eat at Mexico! Josh ate three tacos and fried icecream.

Then we took him to the gun range for some target shooting with a 22 rifle.

That afternoon he said he would always remember his eleventh birthday!

10 Things I Love About My Husband Chuck

1. He is kind and compassionate.

2. He forgives, forgets, and does not hold grudges.

3. He loves selflessly. He loves his family and puts us first in everything.

4. He calls me all the time to tell me how much he loves me!

5. He is incredibly handsome and irresistibly sexy!

6. He is so snuggly to hold and spoon all night long.

7. He gives me toe curling to your eyelashes kisses.

8. He supports my every goal and endeavor and if I fail he lifts me up.

9. He has the most wonderful hands that I love to hold.

10. He is my best friend.

Happy Valentines Day Mr P

Happy Valentines to my funny Honey's!

You keep us all laughing!

You are an amazing Dad and even more amazing husband and my best friend!

Football with Josh!

......hugs and tea parties with Beth!

giggling with Sam!




We all love, adore and cherish you (even though we don't always let you know!)

I love you! I love you and me! I love us! I love the life we have together! Though not fancy or glamorous our life is just as you promised full of adventure!

Fifteen years together looks so wonderful to me!

Here are some adventurous memories we have shared together this year!

Sick Days

Our home sounds like a tuberculosis asylum. Cough, cough, cough! Thankfully the coughers do not feel very bad just playing and coughing. I am hoping for a "snow" day so they will not miss school cause I don't think anyone is going to get to go. :(
Chuck has to go out of town for the day so we will be here all day with out Dad. We are planning on making our Valentines and perhaps baking some cookies. Hopefully we will all be well by the weekend!

I Am, Jesus Said

This week we studied John chapter 10. Here is the lesson I gave to my class of two year olds:

Jesus is the good shepherd. A shepherd cares for his sheep. The shepherd leads them to fields where the sweetest grasses grow and to the places where there is clean water to drink. Jesus is the good shepherd. People who believe in Jesus are His sheep. We have everything we need. We have food to eat and water to drink. Jesus is the good shepherd. A shepherd guards his sheep keeping them safe while they eat, rest, and play. The shepherd is with them through the day and through the night. Jesus promises those who believe in Him that He will always be with them. All day and all night. Jesus is the good shepherd. A shepherd knows all of his sheep by name and the sheep know his voice. Jesus knows all of our names and everything about us! Jesus is the good shepherd. When we believe in Jesus, we belong to Him, and He will be with us always!

As I was practicing in front of my children alternating pictures of pastoral sheepy scenes with modern day children in every day type scenes a song I learned when I was nine or ten popped into my head.

Of course, I had to sing it! It was a song a camp minister had written on these same verses and had taught to us that year at camp. I do not remember this man's name or even what he looked like- but I remember the words he helped plant in my heart! Life giving words. Words that stayed with me for decades!

I'm sharing this as it encourages me as I plant seeds in young ones hearts. They will not remember my name or my face but I pray they will remember the Word!

Be Thou My Vision

I had an "Ah Ha" moment today for what the Lords been trying to say to me, but I've not sat down long enough to listen. While sitting in the choir loft waiting for the call to worship, our minister starts off differently, suggesting we take a moment of silence to reflect before worship. So I did what I am apt to do during a time like that.... I thought about our to do list for later that day.

Amazingly we only had one thing on! My husband had a Vision committee meeting later that night for our church. So I prayed that God would give the committee His vision for our church- so we as a congregation could see our community and world through God's eyes making it clear how we can best serve God.

That brought me to what I have been studying in John chapter 9 when Jesus sees a blind man who needs his healing. (Another "vision" reference) Jesus never wasted a moments time he constantly wanted to be doing His Father's work. Every moment of Jesus life was dedicated to God's will. He was only interested in doing the things God had planned for him to do. Jesus did not busy himself with other things just to please other people around Him. Jesus focused on doing one thing, listening only to God's will in his "to do" list preparation. Perhaps thats how his fully human part stayed so calm. He wasn't distracted by a huge "to do" list.

Our hymn for today was "Be Thou My Vision"
The song asks for God to be our vision, our wisdom,- that God would be in our thoughts both day and night. That our heart and God's heart would be one. Riches and mans praise would mean nothing--- only God would be our inheritance now and always.

In that moments silence it was almost as if God was saying to me. Seek my guidance, seek to see through my eyes, don't waste these precious moments I have given you to fulfill you purpose.

Fire Truck Riding Santa!

We get the text from our neighbor, Santa is coming! Our town has a wonderful tradition of Santa riding through the neighborhoods on the back of the fire engine!

My guys were out on the porch even before we heard the sirens! He throws candy! They did not want to miss it!

Merry Christmas!

Get Ready! Get Ready!

"Get ready! Get ready! A savior is coming! Get ready! Get ready! No time to delay! Get ready! Get ready! A savior is coming! Immanuel is on His way!

Isaiah 7:14 "Therefore the Lord himself will you a sign: The virgin will be with child and willl give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel."

Valuable Lesson Learned

I learned today that when two little four year olds are quiet there definitely is trouble a brewing! My four year old and her dear friend were supposedly playing dress up in my daughters room. I decided to help my sons with home work, and pack lunches for tomorrow...(good to stay ahead!). The girls had only been unattended for perhaps 30 minutes. My daughters friend's mom came by, and seeing as the girls were obviously having a grand time, we decided to chat and have a cup of tea. While we were chatting, we hear a strange noise coming from my living room. We investigate.... and see water pouring down from the ceiling through the overhead light fixture/ceiling fan. We rush upstairs to my bathroom and to our astonishment our girls were, oh so happily sitting in each of the two sinked vanity, bubbles flying everywhere, water over flowing the counter top to the floor, with two inches of water already standing! Thankfully each girl was safe and no injuries incurred. We mopped the floor with EVERY towel in my linen closet and went to assess the downstairs damage. Though it looked daunting we called a neighborhood handyman who is kind, wise, and retired so we could do as much clean up as possible before Mr P's arrival home. We used a borrowed steam cleaner to suck up as much water as possible from the carpet in my living room-- and the fan has never been cleaner! I am thankful for gracious, kind, neighbors who come to help in a pinch! I am thankful the girls learned why we don't just leave the water running and running. I am thankful for a husband who take our adventures all in stride! I only wish I had a picture of the joy on their faces! They were really having a grand ol' time!